Amusement

I started this blog in mid-December, 2008, as a Christmas gift to myself. That was seven months ago. It was a worthy amusement for a lonely time. So much was on my mind then, including the depressing fact that I could not be with my S.O. over the holidays. Writing about my love of and need for spankings helped me get through a rough period.

As Grace said, on “a day in the life,” we all need time away from our blogs. After a brave start that December day, I slowed down. Not because I lost interest, but because it seemed like nothing exciting was happening. I still have the fantasies, I still look forward to being over his lap, now that his knee is healing. Perhaps my “down time” was in sympathy with his “down time.”

To be honest, I’m not sure what I’m trying to accomplish with this blog, other than it gives me a place to express my frustration, to feel a part of the spanking community in some small way, and perhaps figure out this need we all seem to have.

Sometimes I wonder if the desire is only on my side of the relationship, or if he looks forward to it as much as I do? He says he loves it, but fears going too far. Perhaps the men in this community can help by telling me how they got past that anxious feeling. I can pass those ideas on to him and perhaps alleviate his fears a bit.

I am a counselor, and I have had clients who were seriously abused, so I know the difference. There is nothing consensual or fun about it for these women. I have helped many of them get away from that life. But my S.O. would never abuse me in that way, nor would I ever consider it to be abuse.

On the other hand, when he does spank me, I never feel like he goes far enough. He stops too soon, even though in that moment, I am happy for him to stop. Almost as soon as he quits, I wish he hadn’t. How can I expect him to know what I want if I don’t know myself?

Ah, well. . . he’ll be here next week and we’ll see what happens. Hang in there with me, gang, and I’ll be back to share a fantasy or two before long.

PW - Be willing to say "Because I said so."