What Is A Feminist?

I can’t recall how this topic came up, but a few weeks ago, I casually mentioned to a friend that my lover was the head of our household even though we don’t live together. She’s my very best and closest friend, so of course we share the same political beliefs. She was horrified at my comment.

“We discuss whatever we need to, both of us giving our input,” I responded, “but someone must have the ultimate decision, so he has that.”

“But that’s like a traditional marriage!” she said.

I nodded my head, then dropped the topic. Nothing was said about spanking. I was feeling her out in terms of my sexual lifestyle, something she knows very little about, in spite of being friends.

So much has been written by other women (and probably a few men) about how feminism fits into the spanking slash domestic discipline lifestyle. I’m sure I can’t add anything that hasn’t already been said. All I can do here is add my own perspective.

Yes, I consider myself a fiercely independent feminist and I have been since the 70s (yeah, I’m an old hippie!). I was part of the early movement that freed up women to live the kind of life we live today. It was not about uni-sex bathrooms, or giving up control. It was about women having equal rights. In fact, for years, I carried around a card in my wallet printed with the Equal Rights Amendment to show people who wanted to argue with me about what it meant.

The fact that the ERA didn’t pass as an amendment shows how fearful people are about giving women control over themselves. It hasn’t been that many years since my grandmother took up the campaign that allowed women to vote!

The ERA did mean I could have a career that paid me what I was worth in terms of education and experience. It meant that I could make my own decisions about my body around birth control and meds, and the like. It meant that I didn’t have to take shit from anyone about the way I lived my life. It meant I could be as sexual as any male without shame.

The ERA did not take away my gentility as a woman. It did not take away the feelings I have around my sexuality.

Years ago, I had a friend who was a Colonel in the Marine Corps and she (yes, SHE) was also a Fundamentalist Christian. Her comment to me was how difficult it was to be in charge of so many men at work, then go home to be the submissive wife. I wanted so much to explain that she didn’t need to make that decision, but she wouldn’t have been open to hearing that.

I deliberately choose to have my lover be my HoH. I choose to have him be the one to make decisions. I choose to give him the power to put me over his lap and administer whatever kind of discipline he feels is necessary. And I continue to choose to accept his spankings for whatever reason he desires, whether that is for his arousal (or mine), or for punishment (which is seldom).

If having a sore red bottom that feels hot to the touch (lordy!) does nothing more than turn me on, then I have achieved my goal as a feminist. I’m allowed to feel my sexuality today, something I was not allowed to feel when I was a high school student, struggling against what my body and mind craved.

Purple Woman
Spanking - the complete woman’s stress reliever